At the top of my lungs.

At the top of my lungs.

When the whisper becomes a scream,

I realize it has gone too long

Too long

Too long forgotten

Set aside

Avoided

Numbed

Ignored

Too far

Too extreme

Too loud

Too distracting

Too dysregulating

Too dense

Too confused

When the whisper gets louder, I begin to remember

Remember the voice of deservingness

Who I was before I came here

My soul’s cry for more

For better

For unconditional

For a return home

Home to Self

When I begin to remember, I somehow forget

A year or two or three of: remember to forget

Forgetting my needs

What I want

What is me and mine

What is his

What is ours

What is Real

The fog of confusion drowns me in its blur

And soon, his confusion becomes mine

"I'll hold this for you" someone inside me whispers

The forgetting begins again

When the whisper becomes a scream once more, there is a moment

Vajra

Clarity

A snapping

A breaking

A shattering of illusion

A complete and radical seeing

Instantaneously by Grace

Gnosis

The knowing is not forgettable this time.

It is undeniable

Unmovable

Unshakeable

Stable

Calm

Clear

And an appropriate volume.

“Ah, I see.”

And then it is complete.

"No more”

“No more.”

“Never again.”

“Never again.”

The sword of clarity pierces through the veil of confusion

Illusion

Projection

Interference

Drama

Trauma

Denial

Avoidance

Shame

Guilt

Codependency

And the unspoken bad trades.

It cuts through to the Truth

That it is over.

This way of relating from a place of separateness is over

No more

No more

Never again

Never again

My grandmothers rejoice

And then they need to rage

And we do, together

And we grieve, together.

And we rest, together

For the times they remembered and forgot.

Never again will I forget

The unconditionality of my nature

No less will be accepted

I am Beloved

Dear One

Whole

Child of the Universe

Held by Divine Mother

And Source

In Union with the Soul and Source of All

What a relief.

The entire Being exhales

The soul descends into the body

Instant realization.

I will never shrink again

I will never shrink again

The Ego takes a nap.

What a relief

To remember again

And finally,

To have no fear

Of forgetting.